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Software Vault: The Gold Collection
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Software Vault - The Gold Collection (American Databankers) (1993).ISO
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REALEST8.HMR
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From tamsun!cs.utexas.edu!uunet!pmafire!mica.inel.gov!INEL.GOV!cak Fri Feb 7 13:38:40 CST 1992
Article: 16247 of rec.humor
Path: tamsun!cs.utexas.edu!uunet!pmafire!mica.inel.gov!INEL.GOV!cak
From: cak@INEL.GOV (Clarence Calkins)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Dictionary of Real Estate terms
Message-ID: <1992Feb1.180820.11873@inel.gov>
Date: 1 Feb 92 18:08:20 GMT
Sender: news@inel.gov
Reply-To: cak@INEL.GOV (Clarence Calkins)
Organization: Idaho National Engineering Lab
Lines: 66
--------
I bought a house last year, you wouldn't believe all the words other realtors
use to describe their listings. That is, you wouldn't believe how wildly
inaccurate those descriptions are once you really see the place. My realtor
and I laughed at the term "Creative Financing" on one of the listings, (there
was no way you would ever have been able to get a normal bank loan approved
on that heap!) Then the other day, I found this list that was published some
time back by a major newspaper that confirmed my suspicions, there is a whole
'nother language used by sales people that we know nothing about.
Un-real Estate
Chicago Tribune
To spare others from dashed hopes, shattered dreams, and tired feet, here is a
guide to familiar real-estate ad phrases.
CHARMING" - Tiny. Snow White might fit, but five of the dwarfs would have to
find their own place. See "Cute," "Enchanting," and "Good Starter Home."
MUCH POTENTIAL - Grim. Steer clear unless you have a lot of money and believe
your blind dates really did have nice personalities. See "Ready to Rehab,"
and "Fixer Upper."
UNIQUE CITY HOME - Used to be a warehouse.
HI-TECH/CONTEMPORARY - Lots of steel shelving with little holes - the kind
your dad used to store tools on in the basement.
DARING DESIGN - Still a warehouse.
COMPLETELY UPDATED - Avocado dishwasher and harvest gold carpeting
or vice versa.
SOPHISTICATED - Black walls and no windows. See "Architect's Delight."
ONE-OF-A-KIND - Ugly as sin.
BRILLIANT CONCEPT - Do you really need a two-story live oak in your 30-foot
sky dome? See "Makes Dramatic Statement."
UPPER BRACKET - If you have to ask . . .
YOU'LL LOVE IT - No, you won't.
MUST SEE TO BELIEVE - An absolutely accurate statement.
--
************************************************************************
* Clarence Calkins, cak@INEL.GOV "Outside of a dog, a book is *
* Idaho National Engineering Labs man's best friend. Inside of *
* EG&G Idaho Inc. a dog it's too dark to read." *
* Idaho Falls, ID - Groucho Marx *
************************************************************************
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